Monday, December 8, 2008

Holding it together

so, a while ago I thought it may be a good idea to seperate the blog I used while we were in OZ and the "corporate" blog - and as blogging seemed to take a lot of time, I made the decision to remove the family and personal stuff (mostly...) and concentrate on the knitting.
Life's not like that. is not a's just me, and some family members who help out when things get busy, I realised that what makes it special is the fact that it is small, handcrafted and personal, that removing the day to day minutiae of my life actually devalues the process I go through in creating my designs, the do-overs, the cat running off with the Habu (only the silk - he likes the smell) the neglected husband eating beans on toast again because I completely forgot dinner.

I have tried to keep my blog tidy and elegant, worked at paring away the unnecessary - but seriously, it lacks soul! The reality is that Flash has moved his office out of my studio - but has replaced it with a 56 inch tv and all the associated techy stuff, 2 armchairs and a wine fridge, the cat is busily stalking my ribbon collection and I have 10 different piles carefully arranged on my desk and table awaiting my attention - I wish they would disappear as quickly as the contents of the Green and Blacks sampler sitting beside me.

If you knew that the reason I haven't finished my Christmas knitting, or the sweet cabled sweater I have been working on for probably months now was that I haven't be able to sit quietly for weeks now without sad thoughts enfolding me - that frantic busy-ness has been my saviour, and that now that the shock is subsiding I am once again able to pick up my needles and feel the calmness, the smooth yarn flowing through my fingers, the soft scrape of bamboo needles, the peace that comes from repetition.
If you knew why I had missed magazine deadlines and begged off requests for designs, stayed home from Knit Rangers and had taken up gardening like a fanatic.
If you knew that my family has been torn asunder, that my Mother is - as I told friends on Sunday - broken-hearted, a phrase I have now examined and will never again use lightly.
Then you would know that my sister, my Mother's only other child, has taken my neice and nephew to live in England, on a whim with no rhyme nor reason, or with reasons known only to herself. My sister suffering from an emotional malady we can only guess at, has sold everything and moved across the world, away from a loving supportive family - keen to offer Nanny's, cleaners, daycare - whatever she needed, and into uncertainty at best.
and you would know that now I have said it, that I am mostly back, that the blog is more than the business and the knitting is more than a hobby.


M-H said...

That's very sad. I know only too well how hard it is when great distance intervenes between us and the ones we love, and to have no good reason for it is even worse. ::hugs::

Anonymous said...

Whilst your heart is heavy and sad at the moment, as well it should be with such a sad thing happening at the moment, I have to say that I am glad you are back.

It's hard to work out blogs stop and business starts, but I do tend to think that the thought processes and life's happenings that go around lovely businesses like yours only enhance your ethos. It's an impersonal enough world to live in and the lovely KnitBlogisphere that we all met though and communicate through (now that you are no longer able to pop down to Wollongong) is the nicest way to see what's happening in your NZ world.

grannyg said...

::HUGS:: Big capitalised HUGS